please don't take this personally...

I'm not writing this or directing this towards anyone! I do not intend to hurt or offend anyone with my opinions or thoughts- totally not my style. If I write something that bothers you, feel free to let me know, but please be nice about it. I'm really not trying to be mean. As a matter of fact, most of this is really about me and if you ask my BBFF Maria, she will tell you not a meanie. 


I just have been doing a lot of thinking since my band removal and I think I need to get this out and just be done with it. 


Warning: rant starts now-


I am now in this place that when I hear people saying things like "my band isn't working any more" (if you have read my blog for a while, you know that I was actually someone who has said this in the past) it really annoys me. Actually your band is probably working fine. YOU aren't working anymore! (when I say "you" I am referring to myself as well). It really took me losing my band to come to so many realizations about how much of this relies on you when you have this tool and even when you don't. We always have said that the band is a tool, and not the magic cure. Why do we expect it to do all the work sometimes? I say I am doing okay, eating right "most of the time", but really I'm full of crap! If that were true, I'd still be losing weight. I have a brain, I know how to win this battle. I need to start using my brain more! DUH. 


The other thing that I have to get off my chest is that I can't stand to hear/see people abusing their band. I mean really- you can't drink a protein shake and you need to know if you are too tight? You threw up/PB'd during every meal this week and you are still asking if you need to get an unfill? You go directly to the sliders everyday and you wonder why you aren't losing weight and instead of putting your self in check you ask your blog friends "do you think I need a fill?"... UGHHHHH! I didn't do this to my band, why did I have to lose it? If you don't like your band and you are going to abuse it and eat around it just get rid of it. Stop abusing it right in front of my face... it just makes the sting of losing a band that much worse when I happened to be following the rules and taking care of it and others can pretty much use and abuse theirs and face no ill effect- or so it seems. I couldn't even have a second chance with a band if I wanted one. Don't waste this opportunity that you have to use your band and make your life better. 


I am not saying I'm perfect. I am working on me right now too. We can't be perfect, but we should be trying to do our best and being honest about it at the same time. This is an honesty moment for me. 


whew. End Rant here. 


Maybe now that I have vomited all of that out, I can start moving forward again. 


I am working on a plan for my next steps. My insurance is changing in January. It will not cover anything if I decide to go for the Sleeve surgery. So, that means I'm on my own until I pay off two bills (my car, our trailer) it is going to be all paid in the next few months... and then I have to actually get brave enough to go through with it. I really cherish the conversations I had with some of the ladies in Chicago about what comes next for me, I got some wonderful advice and support and of course I want to keep moving forward. 


Thanks for continuing to support me and push me in the right direction.  I guess I shouldn't be so ranty about things because it really has helped ME in the end. I've been reading more than posting lately, but mostly that is just because work has been insanely busy.  I'm working on getting back on the exercise wagon too- fell hard off of that one. Gotta make time for me and the things that are important to me. 


Hope you are all well! I loves ya :)