I met with my surgeon last week (Wednesday) .I've been meaning to get here and update for a few days but I really don't even know how to put it all into words. I mean yes I can give the facts and statistics and timelines for what comes next, but there is so much more to process. So I am having my band removed on Thursday. My doctor told me that I am only the second patient of his to have erosion. He said he looked back at all of my records and reviewed everything from preop to now- he said he would not have done anything differently, from how he put my band in to follow up care. He reminded me that they don't really know what causes erosion, otherwise they would have been able to help me prevent it. Of course I was crying the whole time we were talking. He told me that he thinks I'd be a great candidate for the sleeve, especially with how successful I've been with my band. I asked a few questions about the sleeve. He is one of the leading surgeons in our area for the procedure, so it is something to consider but the soonest I could really do that would be in December when I have two weeks off work. I am so scared. I am scared that my band is going away. I have been successful in anything and everything I have ever set out to accomplish- EXCEPT my weight. No matter how many times my family and friends try to comfort me and say that I don't need my band because I am the one doing all of the hard work, exercise, blah blah blah... they couldn't be more wrong. I do need my band. I do need help. I am just really worried about life with out my band again- I know how miserable I was without it before and I just don't want to go there again.
So my band is coming out on Thursday. Goodbye my little helper. Dr. B said that my stomach will need to heal for 3-6 months before I can even think about sleeve surgery (he will know more once he does my operation on Thursday). So what will happen in 3-6 months? Will I gain, 30, 60, or 80lbs? Not if I can help it, but I've never been able to help it before so there it is. All I think about is how much weight I am going to gain. I don't even know where I am going with this post, I know I had something to blog about when I started but I guess it all comes down to this.
I am terrified of gaining my weight back and I am sitting here crying like an idiot. I know what I need to do and my surgeon is there for me every step of the way to support me. I even got an email from my nutritionist the other day just to say that she was thinking of me and that she will be working with me and will be there to help me continue on with my weight loss. My husband, my sister, my mom, my friends, they have all committed to helping me through this. I know they will all be there for me. I guess my big fear is will I be there for me- will I put myself first? I never have before, and when I finally did- well now it is getting taken away from me. I feel like I really deserve to to put myself first when it comes to being healthy- and I finally did only to be one of the very few who get band erosion. I guess I need to stop trying to understand WHY this happened to me, and move on to what to do to overcome it. I am still worth whatever it takes to stay healthy and continue towards my goal. I think that is the most important thing for me to remember right now.
Well, enough nonsense for now, I'll try to post more when I can make sense of my thoughts.... this is way harder than I ever imagined it could be.
Bullshit and Some Truth
7 years ago
I'm so so sorry for everything you are going thru. I don't have a ton of advice but I hope you can just trust yourself and know that you can handle this... You've been successful so far and with the tools you've learned with the band, you can continue to be so! And it sounds like you have a huge support system, both in your family and friends and here... Be strong!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Jen and I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. But one thing I do know..YOU are strong. You will be able to get through this and things will get better. Add blogging and BOOBS to you amazing list of support that you have going for you. Blog it all out - every day if you have to. every struggle. We'll be here for you.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this. Take it one day at a time.
Lots of love,
Jen
Jen, I am soooo sorry! I am here for you. You are an amazing woman and you can do this with or without the band. Lots of Love
ReplyDeleteMy sweet Jen...I wish I could hug you right now. I know I can't say anything to make you feel better, but I will try.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is titled It IS all about ME...and baby it is. You are the success. Not the band. True your band helped you...but you worked it.
I just know from all the blogs you have written that you are a strong person. I do not see this as something you will let defeat you. I just know in my heart of hearts that you will be successful...I truly believe it to be.
It IS all about YOU...
Sending you all kinds of love. If you need to talk let me know I'm a phone call away.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this..I know there is nothing I can really say to make it better and is devastating, but know that we are all here for you and cheering for you...it will not be easy but you can do it...good days and bad days, you can do it...know we are behind you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're going through this. Be confident that you have the support of everyone around you as you work through this. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you big hugs and lots of love. :-) hang in there and keep us updated.
ReplyDeleteHang in there honey! I'm so sorry this is happening. We are here for you! I hope you know that!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen we get it done, it is what we worry about most I guess. All I can do is give you a huge hug and tell you that my sister, who had an issue with her band got all her fluid taken out and still feels like she has it in! The power of the mind is amazing!!
ReplyDeleteDo you follow Jacquie? She is having a band removal / VSG in just a few more weeks. If I understand correctly, it's being done the same day. She recently had her band totally unfilled to giver her stomach time to heal before the surgery.
ReplyDeletehttp://jax0120.blogspot.com/
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you know we're all here for you, cheering for you, and supporting you.
Awwww Jen, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but as the other ladies have said, you are NOT alone in this. Your band may be removed, but you still have the tools and knowledge to get through this and you have the support of us here in blog land to cheer you on and help you through this extremely rough time. Lots of well wishes and good thoughts sending your way.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry with everything you are going through BUT you can do this. I know you can. You are stronger than ever before and you know what you have to do. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteListen. You can do this. You can maintain or at least not go crazy for 3-6 months. I know you can. The band is only a tool, and a great one at that, but you did a lot this work on your own. Did the band give you the determination and drive to run the St. Patty's day dash? No ma'am. That came from inside of you. So, mourn the loss of your band but know that until your tummy heals, you will be okay. You like the new you? You feel healthier and happier? Yes. You aren't going to lose it. There may be times during these upcoming months that you eat like shit and make all the wrong choices. Hell, I do that with the band. But let your stomach get better, work out when you are cleared, drink your water, know what you know and try to work it. Buy meals, make your meals. You can do this. I know you can.
ReplyDeleteOh Jen...I'm so sorry that you are going through this...but as everyone echoed above...you can so do this! Your band helped you lose all that weight for sure...but it wouldn't have done a thing without YOU!!!
ReplyDeletePlease remember that you have all of us here in blog land pulling for you!
<3
Jen,
ReplyDeleteYou know how I feel about all this from our talks but I don't think I broke through my own fear to say... " You have been doing it without your band, for months and months... you've had little to No restriction and you haven't blown up yet. Do you think the idea of having a band helping you has kept you from gaining weight bac? Not likely. I believe in you and I know you can get through this and move on to get stronger, before you get the sleeve, if you even decide to.... XOXO *M*
Jen, you CAN do this. You've come so far. The band helped, but you did the vast majority of the work. Maybe your doc can prescribe a little Phentermine for the days you're feeling out of control. Maybe you can do something that's strictly portioned for awhile, like Jenny Craig. Just for awhile to get you over the hump. I'm not saying the band hasn't helped - I know it has - but don't let depression over losing it eat you up. I'm sending lots of love your way and please keep blogging and FEEL your feelings, don't eat your feelings. You have a lot of important work to do and we'll all be here for you. XOXO
ReplyDelete